My Stubborn Heart by Becky Wade

Author:Becky Wade
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: FIC042040, FIC027020, FIC042000
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group

Matt went home and stood in his shower under a spray of hot water for endless minutes. Body immobile, thoughts in uproar.

He hadn’t been sleeping well. Hadn’t been eating well. He’d taken to driving his Lamborghini at ridiculous speeds late into the night, but it didn’t help. He couldn’t outrace what was happening to him. There was no help for him now. A suit of armor wasn’t going to protect him from Kate.

He was defeated. Competitive him, who’d spent most of his life perfecting the art of winning. He’d been trounced by a woman. Killed with one look from those hazel eyes.

Maybe he was even becoming obsessed with her. He could think of little else but Kate and Beth, Beth and Kate, the two of them tangled together in tortured threads of recent and long-past memories. One woman dead. One woman alive. Both of them beyond his reach.

He had thought, for the past three years, that he’d suffered the worst life had to offer. But now he realized that he’d been mostly numb the whole time. It was like when your leg fell asleep. It felt dead and uncomfortable asleep, but it felt far worse when the feeling returned.

He was coming back to life now—feeling returning—and it hurt almost unbearably. He wanted to return to numb. He’d been trying for days now to get back to numb. But numb was gone. He was stuck with all this awful emotion. Inescapable.

After another nearly sleepless night, he’d had to talk to Kate about Beth this morning. He’d driven up there at six in the morning in the dark to wait for her. She’d listened and taken it all in without making him feel like an idiot. He’d been handling it okay until she’d looked at him with those eyes. Beautiful, clear, open, and said, “I think you’re the reason I’m here. I think that’s why Gran and I are both here. For you.”

Wrong. Crazy to believe God had sent her to Chapel Bluff because of him. Yet that hadn’t stopped the hole that had ripped open inside of him, then filled with overwhelming tenderness for her. A few moments later he’d been unable to stop himself from grabbing her hand, which was something he shouldn’t have done. Shouldn’t have done.

On paper it seemed like a harmless thing, holding someone’s hand. But it hadn’t been. Barriers had crashed to rubble inside him. His body had roared with need.

He’d been a mess around her for a while now. A head case. With this new awkward thing that he’d done between them, he didn’t know how he was going to manage.

He put his hands against the tile and leaned into his arms, dropping his head. The spray pounded the back of his neck. He reminded himself of a kid with a security blanket. Stupid, but that’s how he felt about Kate. Like he needed her now. Like he wanted to cling to her. The thought sent fear coursing through him.

He wished he were strong, and solid, and normal.

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